A Sure Way of Making Enemies-and How to Avoid It

Key Concepts

  • Acknowledging Imperfection: Even highly accomplished individuals like Theodore Roosevelt acknowledged their limitations, indicating that no one can be right all the time, hence, it is unreasonable to expect others to be always incorrect.

  • Negative Impact of Criticism: Directly telling someone they are wrong attacks their pride and intelligence, which usually results in resistance rather than compliance or change. It is more tactful and productive to help someone discover the answer themselves, as advised by ancient philosophers like Socrates and experts like Dale Carnegie.

Practical Advice

  • Encourage Self-Discovery Over Imposing Beliefs: Following the wisdom from Galileo, people cannot be directly taught but can be assisted in discovering knowledge themselves. This method is more likely to result in acceptance and learning.

  • Tactful Communication: Rather than confronting or directly opposing someone, begin discussions with acknowledgments of your own fallibility, such as stating, "I may be wrong. Let’s examine the facts." This approach reduces defensiveness and encourages open dialogue.

  • Diplomacy in Disagreement: Use subtle and gentle suggestions rather than direct contradictions to guide others to reassess their viewpoints. Dale Carnegie illustrated this with an example where refusing to confront directly led to mutual agreement and solution in a business scenario.

Examples from the Chapter

  1. Dodge Dealer in Montana: Changed his approach to customer complaints by acknowledging possible mistakes and asking customers about their grievances, which led to improved customer relationships and increased sales.

  2. New York Attorney: Faced social repercussions after bluntly correcting a justice during a legal argument, highlighting the social drawbacks of aggressive correctness.

  3. Use of Subtlety in Sales and Leadership: Examples of business leaders and professionals who succeeded by letting the other person find fault in their own reasoning indirectly, culminating in beneficial outcomes without direct confrontation or assertions of being wrong.

Principle to Follow

  • Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." Instead, foster a cooperative atmosphere by respecting different viewpoints and encouraging discussions that allow self-reflection and mutual understanding.