How to Criticize-and Not Be Hated for It

Key Concepts

  • Indirect Criticism: Criticizing someone directly might lead to resentment; however, if done indirectly, it can communicate the message without antagonizing the other person. This indirect approach can make individuals aware of their mistakes and encourage them to correct themselves while still feeling valued and respected.

  • Positive Reinforcement: Positive reinforcements such as praise or a small reward, even when pointing out non-compliance to rules, can foster goodwill while subtly correcting behavior.

Practical Advice

  • Using Subtlety and Indirectness: Instead of direct criticism, using subtle hints or constructive suggestions can improve behavior without causing offense. For example, praising the condition in which a work group leaves the work site can encourage them to maintain those standards without needing to directly criticize previous poor behavior.

  • Leading by Example: Emphasize the power of personal example when influencing behavior in others. Encouraging others to evaluate themselves against a set standard can lead to self-motivated adjustments without the need for overt direction or criticism.

  • The Power of "And" Over "But": When offering feedback, replacing "but" with "and" can keep the tone more positive and motivational. This encourages acceptance of constructive feedback along with recognition of good performance, avoiding the implication of failure.

Examples from the Chapter

  1. Charles Schwab's Interaction with Employees: By gifting cigars and respectfully asking employees to smoke outside, Schwab effectively enforced rules without direct criticism, enhancing his respect among employees.

  2. John Wanamaker's Customer Service: Demonstrated exceptional leadership by personally attending to a neglected customer, subtly teaching his staff about attentiveness without direct reprimand.

  3. Open Door Policy by Mayor Carl Langford: Effective communication and accessibility through physical and symbolic actions like removing his office door emphasized openness without harsh directives against his staff.

  4. Master Sergeant Harley Kaiser's Approach with Haircuts: Used respectful and non-demandal language to emphasize self-assessment and leading by example, effectively communicating military grooming standards to reservists.

  5. Lyman Abbott’s Speech Preparation: Received indirect yet effective feedback from his wife on his sermon’s suitability, prompting him to change his approach and deliver a more effective speech.

Principle to Follow

  • Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. By using subtle, respectful, and positive methods to address errors, relationships can be preserved and behaviors improved effectively.