Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

Key Concepts

  • Self-Reflection on Mistakes: Recognizing and acknowledging one's own mistakes helps in setting a relatable context before pointing out someone else's errors. This approach can soften the impact of the critique and makes it easier for the other person to accept and modify their behavior.

  • Effective Leadership and Communication:

    • Admitting personal mistakes not only demonstrates humility but also teaches valuable lessons on accountability and openness.
    • Leaders who share their own journeys and challenges related to mistakes can influence others more effectively than by mere authoritative critique.

Practical Advice

  • Lead with Your Own Mistakes: When addressing someone's errors, start by discussing your own relevant mistakes. This strategy can decrease defensiveness and increase the willingness of others to engage in constructive conversations about improvement.

  • Model the Behavior: By openly discussing one's own flaws and the journey towards correcting them, a leader sets a practical example for others to follow, encouraging them to admit and rectify their own missteps without fear of judgment.

Examples from the Chapter

  1. Dale Carnegie's Interaction with His Niece: While preparing to correct his niece's errors, Carnegie reflected on his own performance and mistakes at her age, leading to a more empathetic and effective way of addressing her errors.

  2. E.G. Dillistone's Approach to Teaching Spelling: Rather than directly pointing out his secretary’s spelling errors, Dillistone shared his own challenges with spelling, ultimately encouraging better practice and reducing mistakes.

  3. Prince Bernhard von Bülow: When faced with criticism, von Bülow saved his relationship with the Kaiser by first admitting his own shortcomings and then acknowledging the Kaiser's superior qualities in certain fields, reversing a potentially negative outcome.

  4. Clarence Zerhusen's Smoking Discussion: Instead of directly admonishing his son for smoking, Zerhusen talked about his own struggles with nicotine addiction. This candid admission led his son to decide against smoking and inspired Zerhusen to quit smoking.

Principle to Follow

  • Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. This approach enhances the effectiveness of the feedback, fosters open communication, and builds trust and respect in relationships.