What Everybody Wants

Key Concepts

  • Universal Craving for Sympathy: People inherently desire sympathy and understanding. This need can be leveraged to defuse arguments, create goodwill, and encourage attentive listening. Feeling understood and sympathized with leads to positive interactions and receptiveness to different viewpoints.

  • Power of Empathy in Communication: By empathizing with others’ feelings and acknowledging their perspective as valid, one can often turn hostility into friendliness and disagreement into agreement. This approach is not only essential in personal relationships but also in professional and public settings.

Practical Advice

  • Utilization of Sympathetic Statements: To soften resistance and open up lines of communication, use phrases that show understanding of the other person's feelings, such as, "I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do."

  • Strategic Sympathy to Resolve Conflicts: When faced with criticism or hostility, respond with sympathy and acknowledgement of the other’s point of view. This can turn confrontational interactions into cooperative dialogues and reduce emotional barriers.

Examples from the Chapter

  1. Dale Carnegie’s Radio Broadcast Mishap: Carnegie transformed a critical listener’s anger into friendliness by acknowledging his mistake and sympathizing with her feelings, turning an antagonistic interaction into a supportive one.

  2. President Taft's Handling of a Disappointed Mother: By responding sympathetically to a heated demand from a politically influential woman, Taft diffused the situation, shifting it from an aggressive demand to a peaceful resolution.

  3. Piano Teacher's Approach with a Student: A piano teacher subtly encouraged a student with long fingernails, crucial for piano playing, to trim them by first acknowledging the beauty of her nails and implying sympathetic understanding of her attachment to them.

  4. Sol Hurok and Feodor Chaliapin: Hurok managed the temperamental artist Chaliapin with constant sympathy and patience, addressing his complaints about his health before performances, thus ensuring cooperation and performance readiness.

Principle to Follow

  • Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. Demonstrating understanding and sharing in someone’s feelings can significantly influence their receptivity and cooperation, fostering more productive and harmonious interactions.