How to Stop Your “Inner Jerk” From Getting Out

Managing Your Inner Jerk

Even well-intentioned individuals can exhibit asshole behavior under stressful conditions. Viewing asshole behavior as a communicable disease is a key step towards managing one's inner jerk and preventing its spread.

Emotional Contagion

  • Negative emotions are highly contagious.
  • Displaying disdain or anger can trigger similar behavior in others, creating a vicious cycle.
  • Studies show that people tend to mimic the aggressive behavior of dominant leaders or colleagues.

Avoiding Asshole Poisoning

Choose Your Environment Wisely

  • Assess Potential Workplaces: Evaluate colleagues' behavior before taking a job. Avoid environments with self-centered, nasty, or overworked individuals.
  • Leonardo da Vinci’s Rule: It is easier to resist toxic environments at the beginning.

Walk Out or Limit Contact

  • If already in a toxic environment, leaving is the best option.
  • If leaving isn’t feasible, limit interactions with the worst offenders to minimize exposure to negative behavior.
  • Use avoidance tactics to reduce your contact with known assholes at work.

Managing Competitive Impulses

Dangerous Rivalries

  • Seeing coworkers as rivals can exacerbate negative behavior.
  • Pure competition can degrade organizational effectiveness and personal well-being.

Cooperative Framing

  • Language Matters: Using words that promote cooperation over competition can lead to better interactions and organizational performance.
  • Focus on the commonalities and humanity that link all individuals.
  • Embrace a mindset of having "enough," as highlighted in Kurt Vonnegut’s poem about Joe Heller.

Self-Awareness and Behavior Change

See Yourself as Others Do

  • Assessing your behavior based on how others view you is essential.
  • Tools like 360-degree evaluations can provide comprehensive feedback.
  • Frequent, honest appraisals can help identify and correct destructive behaviors.

Face Your Past

  • Past behavior is a significant predictor of future actions.
  • Understanding personal history, such as tendencies to bully or grow up in a "culture of honor," can help manage current behavior.

Asshole Audit

  • Conduct regular self-assessments and solicit feedback from others to gauge if your behavior is problematic.
  • Use tools like the "Self-Test: Are You a Certified Asshole?" to measure your behavior.
  • Serious self-reflection and acknowledgment of one's flaws are crucial steps towards improvement and maintaining a respectful demeanor.

Conclusion

Effective self-management includes being aware of environments and conditions that trigger asshole behavior, fostering cooperative attitudes, and continuously evaluating and correcting one’s actions.